🍂”Fall”ing for change🍁

September was a much anticipated month of transition for my family. A lot of changes were coming our way and I was worried about what the shifts were going to look like for me, and for all of us!

In the 2nd half of the Covid 19 Pandemic my mental health was not good. I was having more “lows” than “highs” in my moods and was really struggling. I couldn’t seem to get out of the “funk” that enveloped me for quite some time. Thankfully I have a fantastic support network of family and good friends so I received the support I needed, and was determined to feel better.

To skip ahead from a very challenging, sad, 1st 6 months of this year, through numerous changes I was able to get myself “leveled” off with respect to my moods. Phew! It was a long, tough haul but it could have been worse I know.

First of all I was going to be returning to my job that I had sadly been not able to do because of the Pandemic. Now, first off, I LOVE my job! I work in a dance studio and I love the people I work with, the kids there, and their families! I wasn’t so much “worried” about going back, but change, and getting back into a routine that I been away from for a while is just challenging for me. I was looking forward to it, but things were going to be very different for me again.

So, as the summer was winding down I started to wonder how I was going to cope with the coming months of major change!

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  1st daughter moving to University

Now that was one of my worries, the next was that my youngest daughter was moving away to go to University! I had never been away from her for more than a full week her entire life! She was excited to go, and I was thrilled that she wanted to; so proud that we had raised a daughter that wanted to learn to be independent, and learn to live on her own!❤️

That being said, I couldn’t imagine the house without her lol! She and I have always been really close and I was worried about how things would be without her around. I mostly worried that she would cope ok with her academics (a perfectionist) and make friends as she was very worried about those aspects the most! I just wanted to know she would be ok.

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2nd daughter moving away.

Alright, now to add another layer, my oldest daughter was ALSO leaving again after being home for 4 months to go back to her University!!!

So, within 1 week my darling husband and I went from being a family of 4 who spent tons of time together, to me going back to work, and both girls moving away!!😲🤪

I need to say one thing here of utmost importance…….my husband Shawn is my absolute best friend and the best dad and loving husband I could have ever dreamed of!❤️ I’m not kidding❤️ I am thankful for having him every single day!

The good thing about Shawn and I is that we have a lot of common interests and hobbies that we do together; we run, bike, walk, visit craft breweries, hike, watch movies to name a few. I have realized over the years how valuable these common interests can be when you are facing living with just each other for the rest of your lives, potentially….I am not oblivious to the fact that kids move back lol🤣.

So, with that what has happened since September began?????

I am feeling FANTASTIC and am loving life!❤️

Our youngest daughter has adjusted very well to living away and has found “her people” ( her words lol!) She has made some really good friends who are proving to be excellent companions and she is very happy. I couldn’t be more relieved!

My older daughter moved into her new townhouse with 5 other girls and is super happy! She has always done well on her own so I was not so much worried for her as I was going to truly miss her!❤️!❤️

Shawn and I have really adjusted well to living alone. We spend less on groceries (but more on schooling lol etc), do less laundry, and have more time with just the 2 of us….oh and my bro who is a big part of our family❤️

Fear of the unknown can be so scary, but being in a good place mentally before I took on the biggest challenges was a huge win for me!

I will be forever thankful to my excellent support system, my self intuition, and my incredible doctor!

That’s is for now! Comments and questions are always welcome!

Happy fall y’all!!🍂🍁😋

Your Simply Susan blog of the day💛🌞

Life Lessons

Well, if 2020 taught us anything it taught me how to slow down and how to appreciate the little things in life. I used to think that multi-tasking was the very best use of my time and that I could get “so much more” done if I could master this skill. Well, I was wrong! Multi-tasking is just a way of doing things that makes you do a half-hearted job at many things rather than a good/great job at one thing!

Why do we think the busier we are the more important we are? Who ever put this idea in our heads?

I have really learned to appreciate life and learned that “multi-tasking” is NOT more efficient and not always the solution to today’s busy lives. Multi-tasking just means you are putting in a “partial” effort to more than one thing. We need to STOP thinking that this is better! I was like everyone else and thought that while I talked on the phone to my mom I should be cleaning the bathroom, walking the dog, making dinner, or doing SOMETHING else! But do you know what? I only ever gave her “partial” attention and she deserves my full attention. Same thing with multi-tasking chores and jobs; everything is only “partially” done!

What I am trying to wrap my head around is just why everyone is so busy all the time! I live a fantastic life and don’t feel like I am missing out on anything, yet I don’t feel overwhelmed in any way and have plenty of down-time. Am I just different? Is this a choice I have made? Am I lazy?

It seems as though we think we are viewed as “Lazy” if we are not always running around doing 20,000 things, for 20,000 people!

Taking time to yourself and SLOWING DOWN is something we, as a society, need to embrace. Honestly, the lockdown and isolation of 2020 taught me that I need to take care of myself. I am that important! If I want to be a better human being/mom/wife/daughter/friend/employee than I NEED to take care of myself.

What does this mean you might ask?? It means prioritizing what makes me feel good, what I enjoy doing, what will make me feel fulfilled, and what I need to be happy. If we put ourselves first, we become better at being there for everyone else!

When my children were very young I realized that I needed exercise in order to feel complete, and to maintain my mental health. So, I carved out time in my day to do this.

There is this completely INSANE belief that to exercise you need to A) have at least an hour, B) join a gym, and/or C) own exercise equipment. This is 100% not true. There are a ton of workout videos on Youtube, (and a ton here on my blog!!) that are short, efficient, and totally worth your time. HIIT (High intensity interval training) is an intense 10-15 min workout that gets your heart pumping and gets you sweating and that’s all you need to do!

So please, tell me who doesn’t have 10 minutes to give yourself????? I GUARANTEE you spend quadruple this time scrolling through your social media feeds! Take the time right now to schedule in 15 min on 4 days this week where you do a Pilates, Yoga, HIIT, Booty Band, or Weights workout! Seriously………schedule it in right now! If we write things down we are more likely to commit to doing it.

To sum up, 2020 taught me to SLOW down, do one thing at a time, and that I am important! I have had a lot of time to think about life, contemplate my purpose, really realize who my friends are, realize how important connecting to people is and how to be the best wife/mom/friend/daughter/human being I can possibly be. You know what??? It is taking the time to appreciate each and every thing I do, and appreciating each and every conversation I have with someone I care about.

What do you think?

Are you willing to slow down?

I will never forget this year for so many reasons, but I also would never take away the lessons I’ve learned and am grateful for those every single day.

Your Simply Susan advice of the day💛🙃🥰

The Sun🌞continues to Shine😁

It was 1 year ago today, (with the thanks of the “Bell Let’s Talk” initiative) that I openly talked about my struggles with depression. I have to say, I am SO happy I did! The people who reached out to me about their struggles and the compassion toward my struggles have indeed been incredible. I am touched that there are so many kind people in my world that have opened up and confided to me, and offered their shoulder and listening ear if I need it.

What have I learned in the past year?
If you talk about it you can get the help you need. By letting people know the signs to look out for when I am starting to “spiral downward” I get the support and help I need. It doesn’t have to be talking to another person in person though. Just getting your emotions out in any way that works for you is the goal; I often find that I on bad days I am on the verge of tears and absolutely do not want to talk to anyone. But, I will text. Texting with certain people in my life has worked wonders for me in working through my emotions and trying to keep my head above water. Thank you to those people for being there for you, you know who you are!

I have learned that I am not alone, actually FAR from it. It is a way more common health issue than, I am sure, most of you realize. So many people struggle with depression and don’t even know they have it. I know people that I wish would open up to me because I can see they are struggling but they just keep carrying on struggling every step of the way. This makes me so sad as I know that if they at least talked in confidence to their doctor or other confidant about it this would make a difference and get them moving in the right direction.
I have learned that for me medication DOES work, and I NEED it. I tried reducing my dosage when I felt I was in a really good place. I felt good for a couple of weeks, then after about 3 or 4 weeks noticed some things that I chose to ignore. I, once again as I did in the beginning, found excuses for feeling down; PMS, not enough sleep, stress. Well, after about 5 weeks I had gone into a deep, dark spiral and realized I needed to go back to where I was. What I realized was that the medication takes a while to get out of your system, and then to get back in it as well. Sure enough at week 3 my body was reacting to being on less of the serotonin it needs that my body doesn’t produce enough of. Then I just got worse and worse. When I finally accepted that I do need my original dosage and went back up, again it took my body time to adapt and get back on track. Lesson learned. Would I try this again? Maybe yes! I had let those who are close to me know what was going on, and they were helping me and keeping an eye on me, so it was tough, yet my support network was there. Too many people dismiss meds and insist on dealing with depression their own way, but I encourage people to at least try some to see if there is a change. There are so many different ones out there and if one doesn’t work, don’t assume all don’t; there are tons.

One other thing I learned is that I need to be around things and people that make me happy and

avoid those that don’t. I no longer waste my time being with those who bring me down, and am spending more and more time with the people that care about me and that I love to be around. I used to worry about pleasing everyone, but now I know my happiness is in my hands and I surround myself only with those who can provide this! I find, for the first time in my life, that I am putting myself and my well-being first. I have also realized that Finley, our dog, is an absolutely incredible therapy tool and I encourage anyone out there who doesn’t own a dog to consider it! He helps me in ways I can’t even describe! He is a constant, complete joy in my life and I love him as unconditionally as he loves me!

If you d
I am ecstatic that many people have come forward and been able to open up to me, and said it was because of my blog. That truly touched me. My purpose of writing about my troubles with depression was to help people understand what it looks, sounds, and feels like. Many people weren’t able to put a label on theirs until I put it all out there in words and they realized that “Yes! That is exactly what I feel!” If I just affected one person it would have been worth it, but thankfully, I had a ton of responses and people coming to thank me for opening up.

All in all it was totally, completely worth it and I would continue to encourage others to seek the help or the listening ear they need to get through it.

Remember………Suzy Sunshine is ALWAYS here to listen and talk.

Your Suzy Sunshine “ray” of the day!🤣

Depression 101: Myths and facts

I have spent a lot of time talking to people about depression since my post in February “Suzy Sunshine🌞“where I openly discussed my own depression.  I have absolutely LOVED the feedback and discussions that my blog generated and am so happy I took that huge leap to open up and talk about something that many people struggle with.

While talking to people though, I have realized, even more, how many misconceptions there are about depression.  I am devoting this blog to a few of those but will be writing more blogs on my experiences and knowledge in the future as I can see that people NEED and WANT to talk about it.

The first misconception I will address is that those people you hear say “I am so depressed” do not struggle with/suffer with depression.  I know they are just using it as an expression, but it really kind of minimalizes the pain and suffering those of us who are actually suffering go through.  Those of us who do, do not just randomly use this expression; we suffer in silence mostly and if we do ask for help it is just that.  We say that we are struggling and need some help only to those very close to us who we trust.  This is EXTREMELY hard for us though.  I am better at it now that I have opened up to more people, but those suffering are generally doing it in silence.

The second misconception is that depression is something that you can just “snap out of” with the right distraction and attention.  Oh how I would love it to be this easy!  No matter what people say to us (“everything will work out”), do to distract us (try to get us to laugh etc), remind us of the good things (“be thankful for all you have”) it, sadly, doesn’t help! I wish these heartfelt gestures by friends did help, but unfortunately I end up feeling far worse as I am made to realize that “yes, everything is perfect, so why am I SOOOOOO sad all the time!!!”  I know that these intentions come from the right place in your heart, but the best thing you can do is give me a hug, not ask me how I am (I’ll just break down) and let me know you are there if I need you.  Most people have learned to read me well and for this I am thankful.

I am in the very fortunate position of having a wonderful support network and for this I am eternally grateful!

The last misconception is about taking medications to help in treating depression.  I, as I have been quite open about, am a believer in medication so want non-believers to understand that taking a medication for a mental health illness does not make you weak.  Many people are uncomfortable with admitting they are are on meds but this is ridiculous. People believe the meds will “change you”. If by change you you mean level things out in your brain so that you can deal with life like the average person can, then YES, they do change you. A positive change that helps you cope with life on an even level.They are not happy pills that make you feel numb and happy. If they do you are on too high a dose! Don’t be embarrassed. Be proud that you are getting the help you need.  If I needed help seeing should I be embarrassed to wear my glasses? It’s the same thing❤

I am going to leave it at that for this blog, but those of you who have opened up to me, please pm me any time, and continue to reach out for support.

Your Simply Susan lesson the day! 😄

 

Suzy Sunshine 🌞

For those of you who know me personally, would you believe me if I told you that I struggle with depression? Even to my faithful blog readers it’s likely not something you would have figured out, since I like to keep my blogs positive and happy.

With Bell’s Let’s Talk Campaign approaching us, I want to bring awareness to Depression and Mental Illness and encourage people to recognize the signs and symptoms and I thought I would start by telling you about myself.

That’s right, I am one of the many people who deal with this on a daily basis and have learned to hide it very, very well. Not only that, but I have also learned to cope with it and also learned who truly loves me and accepts me for who I am.

I know this likely comes as quite a shock to many of you who think that I seem like the opposite of someone who suffers from depression; I mostly always have a huge smile on my face, I laugh A LOT, and I always have something positive to say to people! I am often referred to as “Suzy Sunshine”! The thing is, I treat others the way I want, and hope, people will treat me and others. It’s as simple as that. I want to feel good, and I know that when people greet me with a smile and a friendly hello, it can instantly make me feel good. I like to spread the joy and it truly makes me a happier, better person.

I feel the need to bring this out there and deal with it head on as I feel like there needs to be so much more awareness and acceptance out there about mental illness.

I came to terms with it only about 5 years ago now, but know definitely that it is something that I have hidden, struggled with, denied, and coped with since my teen years at least. Depression can be brought on by traumatic life events such as sickness or death of loved ones, or, as in my case, genetics. Because depression is a mental illness, people in older generations have difficulty accepting and admitting to having it as they see it as “psychotic” or “mentally disturbed” among other things. It is not accepted by them as easily. I have tried to educate and show my family member that they also suffer from it and could benefit from treatment, but this was not well received, and in fact it was adamantly denied. I can easily trace it back 2 generations and in my case, it is genetic. Thankfully, my children are now fully aware of it and we have many open discussions with each other and our doctor.

It is such a very hard thing to come to grips with and accept. For me, I totally recognize that I have a great life; an amazing, loving, supportive husband, 2 incredible, supportive children, a wonderful home, a job I love…..so when I was suffering daily, crying, feeling hopeless, feeling so sad that I thought life would be better for everyone without me, I knew that this was not right. For too long I suffered in silence thinking I just couldn’t handle the stresses of daily life because I was weak. I put myself down, had daily battles with myself, and faked it, faked it, faked it to those who knew me quite well. I truly thought that if I told people, that they would judge me, think I was making excuses and think I was weak. So, I hid it and suffered in silence as so many do.

Once I hit rock bottom…..everything in my life was going very well, yet when I was using one of my best coping strategies (running it out) I was crying uncontrollably and decided that enough was enough, I got home and immediately made an appointment to see my family doctor. She knows me very well, and has helped me very much over the years.

Now I know many people are against taking medication to help them deal with depression. They worry that it will change them or that they will be on it for life and be dependent on it. If you had diabetes and required medication to stabilize your blood sugar would you take it? Of course you would. So why, when you have a chemical imbalance in your brain that can be regulated with medication would you not take it? Medication can definitely help, but is not for everyone. There are so many treatments available to you, you just have to first accept that you need help then speak with someone you trust to see what is out there.

One thing people don’t understand about depression is that just “thinking about happy times” “thinking about all I have, the great life I lead and all I have going for me” or ” watching comedies” doesn’t get me out of my downward spirals. Boy do I wish it were as easy as that! That would be the life! Thinking of those things actually makes me worse because I realize that I have no tangible reason to be feeling as bad as I am feeling and I feel I must have everything wrong with my brain if I feel uncontrollably sad when I have no real reasons to be. I hated myself for feeling the way I would feel and felt so weak and like such a loser.

Negative thoughts are like magnets that attract each other and get heavier and heavier eventually weighing you down so far you feel as though you are in a deep hole that you’ll never get out of. You get a sort of tunnel vision and you just want to bury yourself in a hole and never emerge. Thankfully I am starting to recognize when I am spiraling down and reach out to close friends and my family for help. Now that I have opened up to some people that I knew would not judge me, I am able to get out of my spirals sooner and feel better more quickly than in the past.

I don’t have a tried and tested way for getting myself up and out of these downward spirals, but I THANKFULLY have some very special people in my life who really help me and love me no matter what. It is these people (and my dog Finely of course!!) as well as other factors that get me up and out of the hole I am. Sometimes though I still feel like such a burden that I try to hide it so as not to bring others down with me. I still feel weak a lot of the time for letting things get to me and not being able to cope but am learning to accept it for what it is an not over analyze it as much.

I accept that this is a lifelong struggle I will have, but with acceptance comes happiness…eventually!

WHOA! That was a lot to unload.

I do not want you to think that I, or anyone struggling with depression, uses this as an excuse for being grumpy, cold, moody, or short-tempered, I just want everyone to be aware that things and people aren’t always as they seem. I have become a “master of disguise” and it certainly has fooled others because those who I have shared my suffering with truly had no idea. One of my favourite comedians always comes to mind when I think of people having depression and hiding it well, r.i.p. Robin Williams.

My advice to anyone else out there who thinks they may also suffer with depression? Be honest with yourself and talk! That’s the best advice, talk, be open, accept yourself for who you are, and get some help.

Feel free to comment or send me a personal message. This was a big step for me to admit this in such a big way, but hopefully by reading this I will help at least one person and hopefully many more.

Your Simply Susan truth of the day!

Keep positive and smile on! You know I will.